Hi, My name is Sarah and I have Gestational Diabetes

A little over two weeks ago I was told that I have gestational diabetes.  My doctor's office called to tell me the results over the phone and to tell me they were calling in the supplies I need to test my sugar levels to my pharmacy. They also informed me that I would need to go to a class on how to manage gestational diabetes.

My heart sunk.

A rush of GUILT filled me and FEARS of what this meant for both the baby and me.

I knew previously that having gestational diabetes increased my chances as well as my son's chances of developing type 2 diabetes later.  I knew he would be at a greater risk of being obese (that word is hard to even write in reference to my son).  What had I done?

Going to the class I was nervous but grateful that there were other women in attendance who were in my same boat.  The first thing the instructors went over was to say that this was not my fault.  I wanted to believe them.  I needed to believe them.  But I really struggled to believe them!

If this could be controlled with diet and exercise, then how could they explain a way that my previous diet and exercise had not contributed to it?

I knew I had not eaten perfect but I had known other pregnant women to eat much worse and still not have any problems.  I felt it was unfair that I had gestational diabetes.  I had feelings of self-pity.  Why did this have to happen to me and my more importantly my baby?

At my next doctor's appointment she went over what I had learned in the class and my new eating plan.  She told me all the risks that diabetes could bring to the pregnancy if not controlled.  I tried my hardest but I could not fight back the tears when she told me that if not controlled that there was a chance that the baby I had grown to love could become still-born at that very end of the pregnancy.

Again all I could think was what had I done?

After telling me the risks of uncontrolled diabetes she told me that if I get my numbers down that everything with the baby would be the same as any other normal pregnancy.  She made a point to remind me that the risks are there only if the numbers are not controlled. 

So the ball was thrown back in my court and I could do something about it.  I could control the numbers.

In the last two weeks that is just what I have done.

My numbers are under control.  I am eating according to the plan that they gave me which is not crazy different that how I ate before, but it is just more scheduled.  I am actually eating a lot more food than I had been previously.  It is just the right combination of foods with lots of snacks to keep my glucose levels down.

I titled this post as I did because I have only let a select few in on the fact that I have gestational diabetes up to this point.  It has been a point of embarrassment to me. (Remember how I felt that I had done something wrong.)  The title is such because this is my confession that yes I have it and also that I am doing something about it.  I felt I would be judged by many and I didn't want to face that.  But I do want others who might face the same thing to know that they are not alone and you can do something about it.

While I still go back and forth if I did this to myself, I do understand that gestational diabetes is caused from high hormone levels that you get while pregnant.  The hormones interfere with the insulin and your body struggles to properly manage the glucose levels.  Glucose levels have to be better managed to keep from overloading you body and your baby.

I have come to really like my new eating plan and ENJOY sticking my fingers to see what my numbers are.  I love seeing a number pop up that is where it is suppose to be and knowing everything is going well.  There have been a couple of frustrations,  but I still keep working the plan and asking God to oversee it all.  My doctor is pleased with my progress, and says she thinks everything is going to turn out great.

The guilt has finally let up.  God has shown me that this guilt is not from Him.  We all have circumstances that we will face, and whether they are our fault or not, He just wants us to follow Him and trust in His plan.  Letting myself get wrapped up in the guilt will do no good, but only defeat me more.  Giving control of the circumstances to Christ and then doing what is asked of me is the only way to go.

I can now say that I am grateful for these circumstances.  It has somehow improved my confidence in myself knowing that I can get through this with His help, and deepened my faith.  I have drawn closer to my Heavenly Daddy.

And the fear of judgement...It is gone!

There is no judgement awaiting those who trust Him.  John 3:18

Judgement is just a tactic of the enemy to keep me from my Savior and the love He offers.  I won't let it stop me from resting in the grace of Christ.

Sarah